Tumblr
by Stupid Froggy
Summary: Rock decides to speak his mind online and some shit happens like usual.


There comes a time in every man's life where he is on the internet and he sees a bitch ass detailed rant post that pisses him the fuck off.  
My name is Rock Light, and this is my moment.

I should've expected this honestly. Like I am on the internet.  
It's the year 20XX people get offended at the stupidest shit, I am one of them.  
But if you know me, I am a quiet guy.

But there are times, these magical times where I just gotta get the balls and comment.  
If I knew what would happen next I would've just shut the damn laptop and went to bed so I could go to sleep for tomorrow.

It started with the most intense fuckery I had ever seen it went like this.

Here I am scrolling on Tumblr, it's a regular night, I'm looking at H&M's feed and picking out what kind of stuff I wanted to get for the upcoming fall season, Lovely Axl is next to me reading Ecchi Manga in a daze, this is a regular night.

But then all of a sudden I see this fuckery.

The first time I saw it, I scrolled past. I didn't feel like reading a paragraph.  
I refreshed the page, it was at the top, I shrug and click on the whole post.

"Straight white people make me sick" Is the title.

So I shrug and I start reading this shit.

I could write out all this fuckery, but I shall sum it up :  
This fat bitch (yeah ima call her fat cause she pissed me off) She went on and on about how she hates straight people and how they are a blight on the world, and also started shaming skinny people and men in general because she was a so called "Feminist" suuuuuuure lady. She basically went on and on. Her comments about men and straight people are what got me.  
My first reaction :

"Axl come read this shit!" I said basically throwing my laptop his way, he stretched and put down the ecchi manga.

"Ahh look Tumblr...what is this shit..." Axl starts squinting and reading the screen, suddenly he just pushes my laptop closed and throws it back at me.

"What the fuck is wrong with her?" Axl said with a no nonsense face.

"Dude I don't know but I kinda wanted to light her up because people are agreeing with her" I said opening up my laptop and getting ready to comment. Axl smirked.

"Alright Rock~ I wanna see this shit." Axl said smugly.

So here I went.

"Dear Ugly ass blimp ass bitch,

How about you check your motherfucking privilege before you say that shit to anyone else, do you know the reason that you're here blighting the earth, ugly ass blimp bitch? Because two straight motherfuckers had hot sweaty STRAIGHT sex. You're the product of what you hate...dumb ass bitch. You speak against the white people being privileged, but you're white trash yourself. Why are you speaking against your own race or for that matter why are you speaking for other races? Also what the fuck , you try to defend the gay people, BUT OH LOOK. Some of those people are white males...so what are you really trying to say? I think that you just want attention bitch, and did you count how many times I called you fat? That was for all the skinny people you pissed off with this post, may your jealously forever burn you, may you never fit into that pencil skirt you want.

Also before you try to retaliate and say some stupid shit I am your opposite, and I am on another level :

I am a White Bi-sexual feminist dude who is skinny as fuck! Soooooo yeah.  
Fuck outta here with that. From ,  
Rock Light, a person with a brain."

I then sent it and sat back with a smug face. I felt tons better after I went in like that.  
Axl turned my laptop and read it, and suddenly he giggled.

"Ah nah Rock! Why did you leave your real name!" Axl said in midlaughter.

"What do you mean?" I asked a bit confused.

"She's gonna find you man." Axl said with knowing nod.

"Nahhh she's gonna find herself in tears." I said waving him off.

"No huuuuuuuuun, she's gonna find you and sit on your face, and crush it and ruin your life." Axl now nodding with his eyes closed almost imagining it.

"No no no no, face sitting isn't cool." I responded.

"Rock, we should do something special tonight, it'll probably be your last." Axl said with a laugh. I threw a pillow.

"No no no no." I said.

All of a sudden all of our lights went out.

"Hey this isn't funny." I said. Axl laughed.

"Ah shit it's happening, here hold my hand." Axl took my hand. I'll admit I got slight afraid. Axl pulled a lighter off the table and lit the two candles next to the couch. All of a sudden we see the flash of a face, it was chubby it had red hair and it was the bitch, Axl and I jumped back.

"White maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaales" she growled.

The candles went out.

Axl and I scrambled onto each other as if we were going to use each other as shields.

The bitch started laughing all of a sudden I felt Axl let go of me, and I heard a large crash and a huge thump hit the wall. Suddenly the lights came on. I looked around to see the giant woman knocked out and Axl by the light switch. I was impressed honestly.

"Axl what happened?" I said a bit confused.

"I just used the hatsudatsumatsupatsu technique." Axl said with a smirk, right before pulling his cellphone out his pocket, dialing 911.

"Maaan shut the fuck up, it's not the time to be making Girl-Chan references, you just knocked a bitch out." I said crouching down putting my hand on her forehead. Yeah she was out cold, definitely alive though, I sighed. How the hell did Axl even knock her out? She looks like 4 of him in size.

"Hello yes, this crazy bitch just came in my house and turned off all the lights and tried to threaten me and bae, you should arrest her and stuff. I live at *insert address here*, the sooner the possible, I have a feeling she's gonna wake up and terrorize us just like in those ratchet scary movies, so hurry the fuck up." Axl said politely.

"Axlllllllll tell me how you knocked her out" I said as soon as he was off the phone.

"Seeeeeeee I can't it's apart of my..." He paused for a second. "TERRIBLE SECRET PAST"

"If you make one more Girl-Chan joke I am leaving you." I said. Axl made a "pffft" noise.

"Pack your bags, I am on a role." Axl said in mid laughter. I sighed knowing full well I was talking smack.

We walked into the kitchen, and Axl sat up on the counter near the house phone, and I went in the fridge to grab a already opened vitamin water. Axl dialed Zero, I sat on the counter across from him grabbing a thin mint cookie from the cabinet.

"OMGZ ZERO GUESS WHAT?! I just knocked this bitch out in my house." Axl said proudly.

I heard a "BIIIIIIIIITCH GET OUTTA HERE." from Zero on the other line. I laughed, that reaction though.

"Yeah that's right, I used the hatsudatsutatsumatsupatsu and yeah you should probably come over." Axl said with almost certainity.

It's almost like he was expecting her to get up...I had to wonder, had this happened to Axl before?

"Hey Axl...ermm" I spoke suddenly the lights went off again and I heard the phone dial tone.

"Shit man...here Rock, grab this flash light." Axl threw me a flashlight from the droor he was on top of. We both simotaniuously bounced off of the kitchen counters, we linked arms once more, and with the flashlight it was a lot less intimidating.

This was honestly, weird and crazy as fuck, why would someone go this far just for a comment? Were the thoughts going through my head.

"Listen, Rock, Zero is going to be here soon and so is X, We just need to find our way out of here..." Axl whispered to me. Terror struck me.

If we were waiting for Zero and not the cops, then it was serious.

Alright now I was really scared. Some fat lesbian who hated straight people was going to beat my ass and even Axl was paranoid, knowing my life some shit is going to happen and I'm going to end up on the news and I will forever be known as the dude who got killed over a hateful comment...That's not how I wanted it to go down.

Not at all.

Suddenly I felt myself trip over a radio.  
Smuckers started playing silently.

I guess one of us must've left it on the floor. All of a sudden, I heard foot steps.

They weren't Axl or mines, I shined the flashlight, but it was too late she had me. She spoke to me.

"Skinny lil snowflake, I'll crush you." She said grabbing my arms from the back. I head butted her, from the back, she let go. I grabbed the flashlight.

I looked around she was gone. Axl hi fived me.

"We need to get the fuck out of here Axl! She's gonna kill us!" I splurged out.

"Yeah for sure. But...we ain't no little bitches." Axl said. I looked at him like he were silly.

"We gone be like Tina Turner?" I asked.

"Yes" was Axl's answer.

"We gone be like Jennifer Lopez"

"Yes"

"We gone be like Beyoncé." I said.

"Yes, exactly Beyoncé."

"I mean we could just be smart and just leave." I said.

"Shhhhh Rock, your inner little bitch is speaking." Axl said putting one finger over his mouth.

"No, my common sense is. Like fuuuuuck that this is the the real world...In fact!" I stopped talking and I ran to the hallway, Axl followed me.

I found the generator, and I saw a small string attached to the button that turned everything on, so I chewed it, until it cut, then I turned the lights back on. I then grabbed the string and pulled it really hard and I heard a large thump on the floor, I followed the string, into our bedroom, and saw her faceplanted, on my Life size figuring of Konata, THAT FUCKING BITCH.

I ran over and kicked her over on her back. Axl ran in after me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you lady?! IT WAS FUCKING TUMBLR, Why are you terrorizing me in my own home." I yelled at her.

"Because...swine like...you...YOU FUCKING OFFEND ME SO MUCH. YOU WERE THE LOAD THE BROKE THE CAMELS BACK."

"BITCH DON'T COMPARE YO SELF TO NO CAMEL BITCH YOU A ELEPHANT!" I yelled at her.

"Damn Rock." Axl said from the background.

"Listen you little shit...I'll never leave you alone." She said sitting up.  
She threw a smoke bomb, and it smelled like off brand Victoria's secret.

We heard the backdoor open, Axl and I ran to it, but we saw X and Zero coming in.

They waved, we waved.

"Hey guys~!" X said.

"Heard you got a psycho bitch in here, I'll take care of her." Zero said.

"How're you gonna do that..?" I asked. Zero smirked.

"I got this, guy's take a seat." Zero said with a thumbs up.

So X, Axl and I took a seat down.

Zero stood in the middle of the living room.

"PUSSY IS THE GREATEST. I LOVE A PAIR OF BIG SEXY BREASTS, I'M NOT GONNA FUCK A GIRL UNLESS SHE HAS A ASS. STRETCH MARKS ARE DISGUSTING, I LOVE HITTING IT RAW BUT PULLING OUT BEFORE I HAVE TO LEAVE MY BITCH CAUSE I AIN'T TAKING CARE OF NO KIDS. FUCK THAT. WHY DO LESBIANS USE DILDOS IF THEY COULD JUST GET SOME REAL DICK! MY DICK IS OPEN HONEY.  
NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA!" Zero shouted.

She came out of the closet, literally, like the closet door opened.

"LEARN YOUR FUCKING PRIVILLAGE." She yelled running at Zero.

"Learn your fucking place." Zero flipped her, over as she tried to punch him.

"Oh shit!" Axl and I said at the same time.

"Isn't he amazing?" X said in admiration.

We watched as they were literally fighting. It was going fine, Zero was dominating until out of nowhere, she suplexed Zero on his head. Then she pulled out a kit from what looked like a fat roll, and pulled out scissors, Zero got a bang cut swiftly, and screamed in battle pain.

"OH SHIT THIS BITCH IS STRONG EVERYONE RUN." He yelled at us.  
She started to rapidly cut his bangs.

"ZEROOOOOO NOOOOOOO." X tried to run at her, but Axl picked him up and we ran up the stairs, we got up the stairs when we heard Zero's final scream.

"AHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH MY FAAAAAAAAAAACE." He screamed.

Axl put down X, and said

"I WILL ATTACK HER HEAD ON!" Axl said.

"AXL NO! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS YOU SAW WHAT SHE DID TO ZERO!" I yelled.

"Yeah like dude...no, let's just get out of here." X shrugged.

"NO! WE WILL NOT LOSE TO TUMBLR!" Axl yelled.

He then ran down the stairs so fast that he fell down the stairs and fucked himself up.

"AH SHIT!" He yelled.

X and I ran to go help him, when we got down stairs we saw Zero on the floor unconscious.

His hair was cut into boxy square high up bangs. Then she arched his eye brows and added make up.

"Damn she fucked him up." was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

"Nah he's so dramatic, he'll be fine." X said with a small smile.

"Alright if you say so." I said, walking over to Axl.

"You guy's ain't see me fall on my ass right?" Axl asked.

"Naaah man that's what you get for making Girl-chan in paradise jokes." I said, with a mocking grin.

"Yeah Axl we saw that shit." X said joining in.

Axl became red faced.

"S-SO! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE STRONGEST." Axl yelled. The girl-chan in paradise jokes ran strong tonight.

"Wow." I sighed.

"So...like, did you guy notice, she pulled out her phone and started blogging." X said, nudging me.

I walked over and grabbed her phone and threw it on the floor and stomped it out.

She started crying and sobbing.

I didn't feel one bit sorry for her.

"Well I guess, this is done isn't it." X said sitting next to her.

I dropped to my knees as if a huge weight had been lifted off of me.

Suddenly we heard a loud knock at the door, Zero got up off the floor with tears in his eye, and opened the door.

It was the police.

They kicked him out of the way and came in fun guns blazing, they even shot the wall twice.

"EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS UP." The police dude yelled.

"Man what the fuck?! Where were you before!?"

"Man they had a sweater sell at H&M and police got a discount for some strange hipster holiday." The cop said shrugging.

"Well fuck, she's right there, why are you pointing your gun at us?" I said.

"I got a report saying 4 men invited a defenseless girl and started harassing her and hitting her, that looks you guys. So come with me or get shot in the foot." The cop said.

"What the fuck." Zero said irritated.

Suddenly someone else kicked in the door, this time it was multiple police.

"HOLD IT, WHERE'S THE CRAZY BITCH?!" A cop shouted.

"Oh cool, our cops are here." I said with a smile.

"Shit." The woman cursed under her breath.

"Wait so...the my report was a lie?" The first cop said.

"Yeah man, they even screen capped us the threat, you can go back to that kick ass sell their having." The new cop said.

"Alright crazy bitch c'mon leave these homosexuals alone." He said putting handcuffs on the woman.

"HEY! Who you callin homosexual man?!" Zero questioned.

"Man shut the fuck up you earned it with that haircut and them eyebrows boi." The cop said with laughter, Axl and I started laughing.

"Man we gay as fuck don't front." Axl said, Zero sighed.

So she was gone out of our lives.

Everything went back to normal, and I never commented on a tumblr post again.

The end.

* * *

 **So this story is a very exaggerated real one.**

 **R.I.P Zero's face.**

 **STAY GOLDEN MY READERS, SHIT IS COMING.**

 **\- Yung Frogglez real nigga who look like a Tekken 2 sprite.**


End file.
